Dear J’s birth mom,
I hope you are doing well. I hope you are making it ok, though I know you are grieving the loss of your child. It’s only been a few months since your decision was made. I know things must be hard, and probably will be for a long time to come. Though I do not understand what you are going through or what emotions you must be feeling, I think of you and pray for you often. Even though we haven’t even met yet, you are a dear woman to me.
As this Mother’s Day has been approaching, I have often thought of you. I don’t know what this day will be like for you this year. Will it be different than it was the year before? Will it be harder, or will it help you to grieve? I don’t know if I, the adoptive mom of your son, can have anything comforting to say to you. I do pray that you will be comforted. I pray over and over again that the Holy Spirit will bring you peace and comfort. I pray that God will bless you and keep you. I pray that if you don’t already, that you will know Christ and walk in his ways. I pray this because I know that when you place you faith in Christ, you will know an unfathomable peace, the kind that cannot come from anywhere else.
I wonder what you think about adoption now that you have played a role in it. I wonder if it is different than you imagined it to be. I know it sure is for me. I know first hand that adoption is hard. It is messy. There are not clear answers or solutions, only more questions. But there is love. There is mercy and acceptance. There is brokenness, and there is healing. There is family.
I want you to know that I love you. I care for you. I hold you in the highest regard, and I respect you. As adoptive parents, we didn’t save J out of a terrible situation. Through God’s plan, we were able to help you, a loving mom, to care for and love J through adoption. I want you to know that you and your family are dear in our hearts. I want you to know that we will continually tell J about you and the love that you have for him. The decision you have made for J was not an easy one ,but it was made with love and sacrifice. I want you to know that we love J immensely, and that will never change. And we know that you and your family are an important part of who J is. We care about you so much because of how important you are to him.
I wish I could tell you all of these things that I have written here today. I wish I could give you this letter and hug your neck. I wish you could know my heart for adoption, my heart for J and for you. I wish I could know you. And maybe someday I will. Until then, I will continue to love J with all my heart and continue to pray that the peace of Christ will be with you. I trust in God to accomplish these things as we are reminded in Scripture:
“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God,who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, ‘For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.’ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:31-39